Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
