im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
