Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She bit a glass in half.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
