Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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