actually, I'm a sock model
In the future we'll all be gay
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
