i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
