i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So much rum. So many feels.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
