Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
