Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
