she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
