Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
