I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
