I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
