so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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