I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
