so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
