There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
