you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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