There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
