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dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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