What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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