There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
