Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
