Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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