i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Your penis caused this!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
