my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
