grandma shit on top of the toilet
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
