I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
