Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
