dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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