I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
