Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
