We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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