I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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