Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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