I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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