I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
