I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dear god my vagina.
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