it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
