At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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