just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
