did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
