can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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