you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
