You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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