I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
