TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
