probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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