so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
