so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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