Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize