If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
