smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
soo... how was my night?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
