we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
