hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
