This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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