Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
