had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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