I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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