I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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