I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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