sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
